just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
