I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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