I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
