Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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