are you still at the devil's house?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
