the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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