An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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