Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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