Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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