I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize