Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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