you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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