watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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