If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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