I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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