Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
