he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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