Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
