I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
