I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The best revenge is premature balding
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
