she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
