my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
