his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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