Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
