Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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