Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
