I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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