Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
