he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
