I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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