Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
