Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
