Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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