I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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