take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
