mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..