hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am