There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads