Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.