i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
