Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
