I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
