upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
