I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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