do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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