Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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