drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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