you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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