On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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