It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
