Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
