I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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