i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
