Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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