I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
