he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
