oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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