; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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