You're my little dorito
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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